Ironically, these people often turn into disappointments for everyone, including themselves. Others, following a very different trajectory, seek to avoid disappointment by becoming overachievers.
Although they tell themselves that their expectations of perfection are appropriate and realistic, these presumptions turn out not to be true at all. The bar is set far too high to ever make whatever they want to achieve attainable. They forget that perfectionism rarely begets perfection, or satisfaction — instead, it too often leads to disappointment.
Of course, there are also people with a more balanced developmental history. These children feel secure in their relationships, supported rather than controlled, and are able to play, explore, and learn, thereby acquiring the inner strength to cope constructively with the inevitable setbacks that will come their way in their journey through life.
Whatever our developmental history may be — having a secure base or not — disappointment can provide us with valuable information about our beliefs about ourselves, other people, and what makes us happy. Constructively dealing with disappointment can be a self-curative process that can contribute to personal growth and make for greater resilience.
Take Winston Churchill as an example. Early in his career, the disastrous First World War military campaign at Gallipoli forced him to resign from his position as First Lord of the Admiralty. But the plan utterly failed, and tens of thousands died. Churchill was disgraced and demoted.
To cope with this calamity and the subsequent humiliation, he refocused his attention and energy away from politics. Six months after his demotion, he became an infantry officer and joined the fight in France. Such soul-searching provided him with new information about himself, the world, and others. Far too many people, when faced with disappointment, tend to attribute negative life events to their personal failings.
They resort to obsessional self-blaming, as they feel ashamed or humiliated of not measuring up to the image of their ideal self. As a result, they direct their anger inward , to themselves. It may prompt them to say that they deserved it, that they were not good enough. It will contribute to feelings of spite, vindictiveness, and bitterness. Unfortunately, both emotional reactions keep the person stuck in a web of disappointment.
In many instances, disappointment can turn into a lingering sadness — a feeling of loss, of being let down, or even of betrayal. How can we overcome it? To constructively deal with disappointment, we need to first understand what has happened.
Some instances of disappointment are predictable and preventable. But there are others that are unavoidable and beyond our control. To manage disappointment, we need to differentiate between situations that fall within our control and factors that are beyond it. Being able to recognize the difference will help us to deal with our frustrations more appropriately.
We also need to check whether our expectations are reasonable. Are we having unrealistically high expectations, and thus aiming too high? Or are we setting our goals too low? While disappointment is something that we all experience from time to time, it does not have to control your life.
Learning to address disappointment and the negative effects it can have on your life is a crucial step toward mental health and well-being.
Take the first step today. Dealing with disappointment can feel overwhelming, uncomfortable, and scary. Disappointment hurts just like feeling pain from a physical injury.
This is why many people will do whatever they can to avoid disappointment at all costs. Feeling disappointed is inevitable in life. We get disappointed for many reasons, but most of all when things don't go the way we expect them to. Or, an unexpected circumstance arises throws a wrench in our plans. The best way to deal with feelings of disappointment is to acknowledge the pain and discomfort that you're feeling and give yourself time to heal and fully process your emotions.
Talking to a counselor or therapist, like the licensed professionals at BetterHelp , is a good way to learn how to overcome bouts of serious disappointment. Overcoming disappointment is possible if you allow yourself the time to experience your true emotions and heal from the disappointment. Talking to a licensed therapist is a good way to learn coping skills for how to respond to disappointment without getting bogged down by the negative feelings associated with this emotion.
Disappointment is an emotion that we can feel like fear, anxiety, anger, even loss — all in one. Disappointment can be a mixed emotion where you feel the pain and distress of a loss while understanding that the disappointing situation happened for a reason.
A psychologist or therapist can help you get to the bottom of what's causing your disappointment. Disappointment and anger often go hand-in-hand. While it is normal to feel anger when feeling disappointment, how you express and respond to that anger is a choice. Sessions with a licensed therapy provider can teach you new ways to respond to disappointment without reacting in anger. If you have the opportunity to address someone who disappointed you, it's okay to simply say "I am disappointed. Talk to a mental health professional to learn how to have healthy conversations about your emotions.
The best way to learn how to manage disappointment with others is to understand that the experience of disappointment is a normal part of life. No two people will always agree, and people will disappoint you from timetotime even in the best relationships. Learning how to manage your emotions and responses to disappointment from a licensed therapist is the best way to go.
Sometimes, disappointment can be enough to sum up your feelings, but sometimes you might want to use it as a jumping off point.
Healing from disappointment has two main components. Disappointment can even be seen as a good thing. Instead of using disappointment as an excuse to feel bad for yourself, use it as an opportunity to count your blessings. Further, disappointment can be a source of inspiration.
When we feel down, it makes us want to feel good again, which can encourage us to put in the work that it takes to improve ourselves and our lot in life. Most therapists and counselors will tell you that expectations are the cause of disappointment. Whether disappointment is a blessing or not depends on how you look at disappointment. As mentioned above, you can look at disappointment as a transition period to count your blessings and rally your spirits before moving on to your next stage in life.
Search Topics. The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You could channel this kind of tough emotion into a creative outlet, such as writing in a journal or do something physical like taking a long run. Research has shown that emotional suppression can hinder our personal growth. Without the ability to feel emotions and actively express them, you have trouble adapting to new and unfamiliar situations.
Communication with friends and family about your disappointing situation can help bring some much-needed clarity. When you get an outside perspective other than your own, you can begin to see things for what they really are, rather than how you feel about them.
The problem with emotions like disappointment is that it can completely derail our visions of ourselves. We can start to doubt. Our sense of self can become skewed when too many disappointments stack up. Part of practicing self-acceptance is to continually root yourself in the "now. Accepting the present moment allows you to acknowledge what is real. Again, the variable here is time. Otherwise, disappointment could easily sour into negative thinking, resentment, and bitterness.
Disappointments are an inevitable part of life. And you may be exactly where you need to be, learning precisely what you need to grow. Learn more about how BetterUp can help your organization transform outcomes using proven, people-focused coaching.
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Share this article. Jump to section What is disappointment? But something else, just as dire, flew under the radar: The emotion of disappointment. What is disappointment? His wheel included: Joy Trust Fear Surprise Sadness Disgust Anger Anticipation Image Source The wheel of emotions defines how human emotions cycle through each other and expand beyond these preliminary emotions into more refined or complex experiences.
The results are emotional states like annoyance, boredom, aggressiveness, admiration, and awe. Ready to take your leaders to the next level?
Try a demo of BetterUp. There are three main causes of disappointments.
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